Teaching Respect

teaching children a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t

It’s time once again for Heather Johnson from Family Volley to share with us someParenting Tips as part of her “Parenting Tips” here on The Idea Room. Here’s Heather in her own words…

–Amy

A few weeks ago I was teaching a group of about 40 women. We were talking about the changes they have seen over the course of their lives. They talked about milk men and ice boxes, outhouses and telephone operators. Amongst the comments there was one common theme. Every comment also included “kids have changed, they are so disrespectful these days”.

There is a pretty strong argument, from many people that kids now-a-days, are very disrespectful. Gone are the days of Beaver Cleaver with all of his “thank you’s” and “yes ma’ams”. Instead there seems to be a lack of respect and a sense of entitlement and expectation. 

As parents, it is our job to help our children learn Respect. We need to start young and not only teach them, but show them with OUR own actions. 

Here are 8 suggestions for helping our children develop lifelong respect for things and people and life in general. 

First, we have to start with ourselves and Be Good Role Models
Children will do what they see us do. We can’t be disrespectful. 
Instead…
We need to model the behavior we want to see in our children. Respect our belongings, be patient and open minded with others, and listen with full attention.

Expect Good Manners
Don’t let children think that manners are optional or temporary.

Instead…

Expect good manners in all situations. When children are young, remind them to say “please” and “thank you”. Help and teach children the importance of writing thank-you notes. When you are going somewhere, be sure you remind them what you expect in the upcoming situation and how they should act. It will take constant cues on your part, but soon, it will become natural and your childrenwill remember on their own. Make it clear that bad manners will not be tolerated and be sure you enforce the consequences. Even if it means leaving the restaurant or get-together. When good manners are demonstrated, make sure there is lots of praise. Not just “good job”. Explain to your children why the good manners are important and what their respect means to the people around them.  

Don’t Tolerate Rudeness
When we allow our children to be rude, talk back, or talk snotty, we lead them to believe it’s okay to disrespect us and other people too. As parents we need to respond to this behavior. We need to make it clear that no matter how frustrated or annoyed our children may be, it is never okay to speak to other people in those tones. 

Instead…
Encourage your kids to express their feelings, using statement that start with “I”. “I feel angry and frustrated”. “I feel mad”. Encourage them to put their feelings into words by asking them questions. When our son is making sarcastic comments, I find myself saying “you seem upset, let’s talk about it”. It will take time for your kids to learn to express their emotions instead of being rude, but it will work. When they slip up, teach them the importance of saying “I am sorry”.


Respect Belongings
Don’t let children disrespect belongings.
Instead…

As parents, and grandparents, we need to be cautious with the amount of toys and things we give our kids. Too many things and they will not appreciate what they have. 

When kids disrespect their toys, don’t rush out and replace them. It is okay to explain that they have one firetruck and they need to take care of it or they won’t have a fire truck anymore. Explain the worth of belongings. When our daughter went through a phase of ruining her older siblings pictures, it wasn’t more reprimanding that she needed. Instead I talked to her about the time that went into making the picture and that it was special. It hurts feelings when we ruin other’s special things. Talk to your children about how they would feel if someone ruined their picture. 

Make the rules clear. When my girls want to smell my perfumes, they know I have to get them out. They have to be sitting down to hold them, and they can’t push the buttons. It teaches them to respect my belongings. 

Teach Your Children to Listen
One of the most fundamental ways to show respect to other people is to listen to them. That means giving them our time and attention. Don’t let your kids watch television while you are trying to talk to them…or keep their head down in their books, coloring, or looking at the floor. 
Instead…

Remove distractions by turning off the T.V. and putting down what they are doing. Expect them to look you in the eye and give you their attention. This means we have to do the same when our children are talking to us. Another key concept to teach, wait your turn to talk and don’t interrupt others when they are talking. We are always working on this in our home. Especially when my husband and I are talking. We have had to work really hard to teach our kids to wait until we are done talking to each other, then it is their turn. 

Diversity Makes the World go Around

Children are very quick to point our differences. Every one of our children has turned me red faced at least once in a pubic place when they have pointed out someone who looks different. My first reaction is to quickly “shush” them. 

Instead….

We need to explain that we are all different and that is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. When you encounter new people, explain that there are differences AND similarities. We dont have to forgo our values. There are choices that other people make that are not acceptable in our home. That is fine, but that doesn’t mean that we are judgmental or rude. To raise children who accept diversity we have to expose our children to different cultures and traditions. Start by letting them try different foods and learning about different cultures.  

Encourage Your Children to be Open Minded
Treating others with respect means that we take some time to get to know them and understand them. This is a principle we have to teach our children. They might not like all the other kids, but they need to give them a chance. 
Instead…

Encourage your children to get to know someone new and find out what they have in common. If after time they conclude they have nothing in common, teach them that they still deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. We have had to do this with our daughter. She went through a phase in Kindergarten where she clung to one or two kids and had a tough time giving other classmates a chance. We gave her a challenge to play with a new person in her class every week. It made a huge difference. It has taught her to be much more open minded, respectful, and accepting to all people.

Lastly, Rules are important
Don’t allow children to do what ever they want.
Instead…Set boundaries. Believe it or not, children want rules and boundaries. This will helpchildren learn to respect authority and that the world doesn’t revolve around them. This is a skill they will need in everything they do. 


Remember….

.Set the rules

.Talk about why the rules matter

.Explain the consequences for breaking the rules.

.Be strong enough to follow through with the consequences. 

Helping our children develop RESPECT will not only help them in society, but our homes will be more pleasant too. 

• HOW DO YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN RESPECT?
• DO YOU THINK THAT KIDS HAVE LESS RESPECT THESE DAYS?
• ANYONE FEEL LIKE THEY SENT THEIR KIDS TO SCHOOL AT 5, W/RESPECT, AND THEY CAME HOME W/OUT RESPECT?